


the world's a little blurry

by alexswriting



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Other, implied catradora
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-21
Updated: 2021-02-21
Packaged: 2021-03-18 20:07:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 571
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29614740
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alexswriting/pseuds/alexswriting
Summary: It was comforting, Catra thought. There was a certain layer of solace in the knowledge that, as long as she would pay, Double Trouble could never leave her.
Relationships: Catra/Double Trouble (She-Ra)
Comments: 3
Kudos: 11





	the world's a little blurry

It was comforting, Catra thought. There was a certain layer of solace in the knowledge that, as long as she would pay, Double Trouble could never leave her. Perhaps to somebody else — _somebody who was a living being yet, somebody who wasn’t just a rotting skeleton with nothing to lose_ — that would have sounded sad. Not to her.

She laid lonely in her empty bed, where they’d been up to moments ago. _« I gotta go wreck some havoc, kitten »_ , they’d said, a huge grin on their lips as they’d kissed her cheek goodbye. She was aware this was a paid service as well, but did it matter? If she’d ever had a heart worthy of being cared for, Adora had shattered it. What remained now was ashes — and it was enough for ashes to feel the illusion of a spark, the shadow of warmth.

A shadow could have been enough, in the long run, if it never left the body attached to it after all.

Of course if she’d dared to be just a little more honest with herself, or perhaps just a little less self-destructive, _maybe_ she would have told them to quit whatever it was they had. _Maybe_ she would have realized that she was headed for a fall, a bone-crushing and breathtaking fall. Maybe, just _maybe_ , she would have admitted that she laughed a little bit too much when Double Trouble was around, and not just because she asked ( _paid_ ) them to be a mocking version of Adora — one that was supposed to heal her bleeding wounds.

If only she’d dared to embrace honesty, _maybe_ she would have known that the aching void left on her bed was a little bit too heavy.

She would have known then that there would always be someone in this world who could pay more. That there would never be a mercenary who stayed out of ( _love_ ) caring. That not even money was a ( _promise_ ) certainty no-one could destroy. She would have known then that a fluttering shadow wasn’t enough for her.

But she was a king at destroying her own castles, at taking the roots out of the trees that gave her air to breathe, at breaking her own bones and slashing her own hopes. Oh, she was the best.

—

Double Trouble came back that night and she let herself be naive enough to think this would never change. _Money_ , she thought again, while she let them distract her, warm her body, hold her. Money could buy her love. Or something as close to it as she could ever get. Something as close to it as she could ever want. (Not that she wanted _love_ after Adora, did she? Oh, no, she just wanted fun. Fun was fun and it was enough to soften those screams in her head.)

That night, she fell asleep in a state of apparent, temporary ( _fake_ ) peace. She purred a little, held in a bubble of safety she'd created in her wishful thinking. She didn't know it yet but she'd see Double Trouble just one more time, out of those sheets and into her own very personal hell called betrayal, when they'd offer her a safety rope and strangle her heart with it at the very same time.

—

« _Where did you go?_  
_I should know, but it's cold_  
_And I don't wanna be lonely_  
_Was hoping you'd come home_  
_I don't care if it's a lie._ »

**Author's Note:**

> catra and double trouble belong to noelle stevenson, title and lyrics belong to billie eilish. this is for raven and amber.


End file.
